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Everyone Offends Somebody

by Matt Carlton

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1.
Have 'er collar, whistling Dixie, crazed on the lanai 'ay there otter, shell a-crackin, dose o' psilocy. Pick to wiser point of action, rooted grab of ease Shock holistic meditation there between the knees. Prickle up and downing at the stemming, capping drive Acaproterial climb Won't a capturing of flagging, effortlessor might Lutheristic nailin' door in protestanic plight. Coupled up on purinistic fabricated tease Cradled entertaining over watching companies. Prickle up and downing at the stemming, capping drive Acaproterial climb Egoteric cautionistic convalescing stride Nominated contestaring, artificial pride. Ink to quill to mean surristic, donkey hoey tell Bouncing rounding all ecstatic, raising flipping hell Prickle up and downing at the stemming, capping drive Acaproterial climb
2.
Guantanamo's not too far from where he was born, and now he's a star Straight-smackin' from the Oaktown, in the green and gold, and you gonna found He puts pitchers into submission They be wishin he'd go home and get back to fishin' Yeah, he K's... But when he jack a bomb it don't come down for days... Yoenis Cespedes. Who throws harder than Nolan Ryan? One man can without even trying. He's a red Red representin' 'natti With every AB he's driving batters batty Ties 'em all up in knots gotta send 'em back home to the bench where they rot And when the slider snap, don't even swing 'cause if you do it's a trap. Aroldis Chapman. 15 K's per 9 m*+>+*&+*>er! Aroldis Chapman. Yoenis Cespedes. Guantanamo's not too far!!! The Countrymen. Yoenis Cespedes. Aroldis Chapman. The Countrymen. Guantanamo's not too far!!!
3.
The gun show, the gun show, we're off to the beautiful gun show with all remaining believers inside. Founded along metaphor, protected indeed nothing more, pulling on the finger of democracy, that old-time word, Democracy, that old time word, old time word. Gun metal, strip malls, armbands, catcalls Up front, standing tall, a wrecking ball on your sense of recollection. But now they've got their dynamite dildos full of kryptonite, needles pumping starry night, click off your computer. "Civil wars are self-motivated," said the clerk to the consumer handing over the credit card and radio-frequency identification. Fuck up, dill weed, eatin' doo and sprayin' weeds, jerkin' off and smokin' weed, click off your computer. Gun metal, strip malls, armbands, catcalls Up front, standing tall, a wrecking ball on your sense of recollection. But now they've got their dynamite dildos full of kryptonite, needles pumping starry night, click off your computer.
4.
Mercury rules my mouth, Venus my amorous instinct The Earth rotates on a wobbly axis, Mars is a long ways away. Saturn works with rings, after Jupiter Brings my Protection Uranus is to me unknown, Neptune I've got tuned in but Pluto ain't no Disney dog, there is no lunar landing log, it's all but a fuzzy reflection, and I don't know shit about it... But choosing quality over quantity, real life over slavery, our hearts beat in the rhythm of all-times
5.
Left the land when I was seventeen, to become a man I would never be. For riches love I did forsake, but how much life can one man take? Through the ocean seas I sail, directed by the winds exhale. Fear I strike in others' eyes, open waves I terrorize. Forever buccaneer, spreading jolly saucy cheer to my crew and captain, they cannot see the emptiness inside of me. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. My pipes are clean, and my whistle's wet, my life's a story that I try to forget. But I've taken it with a grin, double-sighted eyes and a belly full of gin. For every belt I take ten more, just like I done a second before. The constant flow down my neck, softens the blow as I hit the deck. If you were me you'd be drunk too, trying to share this gold with the captain and crew. It's mine, you see, I know just where it is, but it's the captain's ship, so he says it's his. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. Swashbuckler, that's me, forging my own odyssey. Not aligned with any man, I'll take my chances when I can. To become the next in line, I'll take this ship and make it mine. Loyalties I must betray, hearts of men I can persuade to join the likes of me, crying bloody mutiny. For the quest of treasure and of gold, I've come to sell my soul. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. Bootless scrub in a life of crime, dreaming of gold with his worthless mind. Persuasion speaks with fortune's promise, when gold's involved man's powerless. All along it's been the same, the rules are mine, I made the game. The power of god I hold within, make no mistake, I am the captain. Twenty oceans I've sailed across, ten-thousand battles and I've never lost. Run from me, I can forgive, but fire a shot and you won't live. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight. Aye, aye, aye, aye, hear our lonesome pirates cry. We're forty thieves into the night, ships we plunder, men we fight.
6.
Feels like I've never been alone and found success in all I've done. Sitting on a custom-fitted throne makes life seem easy and fun Like sweet caresses from a woman smelling of sunshine and daffodil, garlic and red wine. It took a little longer than I thought it would, my soul has cast a shadow that my body never could, It took a little longer than I thought it would. Kept the cage locked up with nothing in it, made believe I'd just been born. Forgot about the story and how I'd spin it, found the comfort in being worn Like sweet caresses from a woman smelling of sunshine and daffodil, garlic and red wine. It took a little longer than I thought it would, my soul has cast a shadow that my body never could, It took a little longer than I thought it would. Rattled 'round a serpent with a spine, broke bread with my prehistoric self. Cradled all existence which had been mine, laid the hands that had been dealt. Like sweet caresses from a woman smelling of sunshine and daffodil, garlic and red wine. It took a little longer than I thought it would, my soul has cast a shadow that my body never could, It took a little longer than I thought it would.
7.
You better believe what you say to me!
8.
I was never invited to the elephant party. I was never involved in any donkey game. I only tried to belong to the whole and the hearty impressed upon this very song. My belief goes into a hole with a hardy. My soul has not been siphoned into any hunt for fame. Tried to be strong when facing the naughty expressed along this very song. Corporate need, mass energy, big fat fellas in the head with swollen guts down below.
9.
Honeysuckle 05:27
I don't like the weight of the world as it flattens me to a pancake. Chews me down to skin and bone, frosts me up like a cupcake. It eats me out of happy house and home. Worker bee, you hear they got a clone? So who gives a damn about sin? Or taking all of what they think they need like oxygen? Like the U.S.A. needs all the nuclear bombs... But there are big-titted girls in California! It says so on my jumbo TV screen. If memory serves correct I'd better warn ya, since your stickin' your head in a hole, "Oh shit, baby, the war is on, the government's taking control over you..." I don't like the state of the world as it squishes me to the pulpit. Squeezes as I bitch and moan, snatching all the profit. It eats me out of happy house and home. Worker bee, you hear they got a clone? So who gives a damn about sin? Or taking all of what they think they need like oxygen? Like the U.S.A. needs all the nuclear bombs... But there are big-titted girls in California! It says so on my jumbo TV screen. If memory serves correct I'd better warn ya, since your stickin' your head in a hole, "Oh shit, baby, the war is on, the government's taking control over you..." I don't like the fate of the world while the Bush's are a-governing. Seeking out their enemies, they should take their aim and shove it! They eat me out of happy house and home. Worker bee, you hear they got a clone? So who gives a damn about sin? Or taking all of what they think they need like oxygen? Like the U.S.A. needs all the nuclear bombs... But there are big-titted girls in California! It says so on my jumbo TV screen. If memory serves correct I'd better warn ya, since your stickin' your head in a hole, "Oh shit, baby, the war is on, the government's taking control over you..."
10.
I'm gonna stand here up on the stage right front of y'all and admit on the day I was born I weighed 9 lbs. 11 oz. was 21 3/4 inches tall. Would you like to believe that mental cannibalism has nothing to do with the fact that right as I began to age an old man sliced off part of my cock. No one had the foresight to see that I was gonna miss my foreskin. I never had a chance to be an unadulterated human being. But solace can be found in Uranus. We're all gonna get a chance to come upon Aquarius. Let's get ready for change, for the good, good wood Good, good wood, for the good, good wood, good wood Would you like to believe that my major indecisions are based upon comforting the facts which declined as I began to age way before I spoke my first word which was "Seahawks" No one had the foresight to see that I was gonna miss my foreskin. I never had a chance to be an unadulterated human being. But solace can be found in Uranus. We're all gonna get a chance to come upon Aquarius. Let's get ready for change, for the good, good wood Good, good wood, for the good, good wood, good wood Would you like to believe that solace can be found in Uranus? Would you like to come upon Aquarius? No one had the foresight to see that I was gonna miss my foreskin. I never had a chance to be an unadulterated human being. And, in a sense, my senses are suffering the consequence.
11.
Condoleeza Rice was busy gettin' railed in a diplomatic gangbang, just south of Capitol Hill. There was 17 members of the Ku Klux Klan in a diplomatic gangbang, just south of Capitol Hill. They was in the bedroom doing lots of drugs. They was no black guys there. Colin Powell, George "The Animal" Steele, George and Elroy Jetson. There was George Herbert Walker, George W. Bush... George W. Bush sucks Dick Cheney's thumb. Condoleeza Rice was busy gettin' railed in a diplomatic gangbang, just south of Capitol Hill.
12.
I took a piss test above a toilet in front of the man. I took a piss test above a toilet in front of the man. And for a few days I was miserable, and then the shit hit the fan, when I took a piss test above a toilet in front of the man. I wish I had coca leaves to chew on, I wish I had some homebrew to stew on, I wish I had some good weed to get on, I wish a million things or more... I wish I didn't have to take the brunt, I wish for once I didn't play the dunce, Yo, I wish I had some real good cunt, I don't care 'cause I am a horny, horny, horny, horny, Horny, horny, ho... The drug lords are waging war upon society in the form of the food and the pills that you swallow and the air you breath. Yet, they imprison folks of every variety, and push the violence back with the people out on the street. I took a piss test above a toilet in front of the man. I took a piss test above a toilet in front of the man. And for a few days I was miserable, and then the shit hit the fan, when I took a piss test above a toilet in front of the man. I wish I had coca leaves to chew on, I wish I had some homebrew to stew on, I wish I had some good weed to get on, I wish a million things or more... I wish I didn't have to take the brunt, I wish for once I didn't play the dunce, Yo, I wish I had some real good cunt, I don't care 'cause I am a horny, horny, horny, horny, Horny, horny, ho...
13.
Blowgrass 03:05
I ain't never been to western Kentucky, I never seen the insides of no Mercedes-Benz, And if looking back at all I done been given I gotta thank the Lord 'cause he gimme sexy women Hippee High Yigh Yay, Ho Ho Ho down, Again just like before we're comin' 'round! I never been to Tulsa, Oklahoma, though I'd sooner see the insides than the outside lookin' in and if looking back at all I done been wishing for got to thank the Lord 'cause he gimme sexy women Hippee High Yigh Yay, Ho Ho Ho down, Again just like before we're comin' 'round! I never made my home up in Virginia though I know it's awful warm, 'cause out there I have been and if looking back at how I done been livin' I've got thank the Lord 'cause he gimme sexy women Sexy women, Praise the Lord!!! We done comin' round again just like before...
14.
On the wall in my room hangs a poster from 1979, there's a skyline basketball and Lenny WIlkens, too. The weedle on the needle, Jack Sikma, and downtown Freddy Brown. DJ, Gus Williams, too. It's from back in the day when opponents were slayed in the old coliseum, the epicenter of the heart of the Emerald City. And it's the X-Man cometh, Tom Chambers rising, Ray Allen leaving, Kevin Durant arriving. Starbucks coffee gave us all the worms... Save our Sonics. Save our Supersonics. Save our Seattle Supersonics. Like the "Reign Man" bringing thunder on an oop up from "The Glove" Or Big Smooth, Hawkins, and the German dropping bombs. In '95 they unlocked the key with blessings from David Stern, who somehow is more arrogant than me. He's the four-eyed-bitch of the NBA owner's fraternity, whose luxury box' depends upon a public dime. Now I ain't sayin' the governments good, they ain't helpin' out in your neighborhood... They twiddle their thumbs, they scratch their bums, they only cater to the corporate scum. And Clay Bennett is a rich businessman, unlike you What you gonna do? Save our Sonics! Save Our Supersonics!! Save our Seattle Supersonics!!! Starbucks coffee gave us all the worms. And it's the X-Man cometh, Tom Chambers rising, Ray Allen leaving, Kevin Durant arriving...

about

I've met so many folks the past few years... but haven't shared with them much at all from my library of personal recordings. I'd stripped down my internet presence completely (meager as it was), and left in the wake of that action was a scattered mess. So I've picked some of the tunes up and put them together again, a real cross-section for the masses. These selections were all recorded between 2004-2012, in varied situations. My hope is that they are able to serve as preface for the onslaught of new releases coming your way. Parental guidance is recommended. That means if you are young, ask your parents. If you are old, ask your kids.

credits

released May 26, 2016

EVERYONE OFFENDS SOMEBODY couldn't have been done without me. Is that obvious? Okay then, I have been blessed with the best musical friends and family. Rumor has it that I'm not the easiest person to work with. Time spent with this handful of intimates helped mold many of these recordings, and more. Entering the "studio" completely trusting the musical judgment of those mentioned on the song credits of this collection was a luxury I will always be thankful for.

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Matt Carlton Washington

Raised amongst a family full of fine musicians, Matt endured brutally strict classical piano training, later rebelling to the point of non-relevance. He now lives in paradise, and loves playing music more than ever!

"A mishmash of bare, timeless simplicity and modern chaos." -- The Source Weekly

"Carlton raises the bar for singer/songwriters... flipping genres with ease." -- What's Up Magazine
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